One of the most rewarding parts of my job is when I receive an email or text from my vaginismus clients informing me about their successes. One such message came from Rebecca, 30, who has recently completed the Thrive Programme and says it has changed her life 100%. The picture on this blog was attached to her email and sums up how she is feeling very nicely!
Like most vaginismus sufferers, prior to starting the programme the condition had a significant negative impact on her life. She had never been able to have sex (primary vaginsmus), had struggled with using dilators, avoided smear tests, and had avoided being in relationships.
After the Thrive Programme, her life has completely turned around. She is at last able to have sex, and enjoying it. Her new-found self belief inspired allowed her to initiate a sexual relationship with a man she had liked for a while, but had never had the confidence to take things further.
Below, she describes her experience of the Thrive Programme in not only helping her to overcome vaginismus, but feel so much better about herself in all areas of her life. I hope her answers will inspire you…
How did vaginismus affect you?
It exacerbated my anxiety that I had been trying to deal with on my own without help. It was rock bottom.
How successful had attempts at penetration been in the past, either with dilators or otherwise?
Unsuccessful and painful.
What was the sensation like when you did try to insert something?
A burning pain
What other methods/therapies had you previously tried to get over the vaginismus? Were they of any help to you?
I found a book on it, but it didn’t apply to me. I knew that it was a general anxiety problem. I wanted to be careful to find the right kind of help so I didn’t try anything else until I found Cara who wanted to look at what caused the problem, not put a temporary bandage on the problem.
What sort of effort did you have to put into the programme in order to make it a success?
I put in a lot of effort. It was my main priority for the 6 weeks it took to complete. If Cara challenged me to do something, I always went a step further to challenge myself. I was extremely motivated to put this behind me.
How has life changed for you since completing the programme?
I’ve never been happier or more confident that I can achieve anything. I had been settling for a life that felt comfortable, but was filled with anxiety just because that was what I was used to. I fought for what I wanted instead of settling and it changed my life 100%.
What advice would you give to vaginismus sufferers who are contemplating doing the programme?
Do it! Don’t wait! And put in all the effort. Push yourself through. My favorite advice from Cara was “tolerate this.” When I learned that I could tolerate anything for a few moments, suddenly I could get through whatever gave me anxiety before.
What advice would you give to vaginismus sufferers who are currently going through the programme, to make it as successful as possible?
Go above and beyond what you’re asked for. Every time I didn’t want to do something, I pushed myself to do it anyway. Every. Single. Time. It’s important to remember that you didn’t come this far to only come this far and that this is curable.
Rebecca’s review of The Thrive Programme
Realizing the anxiety I had always thought I could deal with alone had manifested into vaginismus caused me to hit rock bottom, and for my anxiety and emotions to feel desperately uncontrollable. I’m a healthy 30-something that doesn’t have hang-ups about sex from religion or trauma as many vaginismus resources focus on. I wanted to find a therapist who could help me address the underlying issues of vaginismus – my anxiety.
Cara guided me through building my self-esteem which was crucial for finally getting in control of anxiety. My advice for completing the Thrive course? Put in all the work that Cara gives you (and then some); even if you don’t feel like you can accomplish changing your anxiety and the personality traits you’ve always identified with, trust that doing the work will get you there (it will!); and don’t put yourself on the back burner, I wish I had found and done Thrive with Cara earlier because it changed my life.
Gone is the emotional roller coaster I was always on, the critical mean-spirited way I would talk to myself that I would never say to another person and the feeling of complete uncontrol over my emotions. You won’t come out perfect, but the change in the quality of your life increases exponentially. For me Thrive was fighting for the life I wanted and not settling for what I thought I deserved or was capable of.
If you would also like to overcome vaginismus click HERE to find out more about The Thrive Programme.