5 things you need to know about vaginismus
5 things you really need to know about vaginismus
Let’s be honest—there’s a LOT of confusion out there about vaginismus. The causes. The symptoms. The treatments. And most of it? Well… it’s either outdated, overly complicated, or just plain wrong.
So let’s clear things up. Here are five truths you need to know:
1. Vaginismus is NOT directly caused by past experiences
Most literature on vaginismus suggests that it may be caused by such factors as sexual abuse or negative sexual experiences, strict parenting, religious upbringing, hearing tales from childhood about how painful sex will be, how much you’ll bleed, that it might get stuck…and so on. This is way too simplistic!
There is not a direct cause and effect relationship between past events and resulting symptoms. Consider all the millions of people in the world with a phobia of snakes or airplanes have never actually been bitten by a snake or have been in a plane crash. The crucial mediating factor is how we respond to events. Psychosexual symptoms like vaginismus, develop not because of events, but how we react to them and the beliefs and thoughts we continue to hold about them.
Regarding past sexual trauma/abuse, most research demonstrates that there is no correlation between sexual abuse and vaginismus.
Indeed, from my own clinical experience, the vast majority of my clients have never been sexual abused or have suffered sexual trauma. Likewise, most women who have had strict parenting or religious moral teaching don’t go on to develop vaginismus.
The great news is that whilst we are unable to change our past, we can change our beliefs and thinking today.
2. Your vaginal muscles aren't 'spasming' when vaginismus occurs, they are simply tensing
Let’s bust this myth once and for all: your vaginal muscles aren’t going into wild, uncontrollable spasms.
They’re just tensing up. That’s it.
It’s kind of like when you grip the armrest during turbulence on a flight—your body’s reacting to a perceived threat.
Even the DSM-5 (aka the medical rulebook) dropped the word “spasm” from its definition.
Apart from unneccessarily medicalising what actually happens when vaginismus occurs, the idea of a spasm make it sound like a complicated process.
But there’s no complex physical malfunction happening here. Just a simple (and fixable!) tension response.
3. Vaginismus is caused by psychological and emotional factors
Many women attribute their vaginismus to having a physical abnormality, believing their vagina is too narrow, too shallow or their hymen is preventing penetration.
I know that vaginismus feels completely physical—but the root of it is psychological and emotional.
Our minds have the ability to create a whole host of very real body responses:
- Heart racing when we think of a scary situation
- Tension headache when we feel stressed.
- Blushing when we're embarrassed.
The same goes for penetration. If your brain associates it with fear, pain, or panic—your body responds accordingly.
That’s why treatments focused only on the physical (like dilators, Botox, or surgery) often don’t work.
I work with many women who had spent months or years battling with dilators or pelvic floor exercises. Some have used botox to try and relax the muscles. Others have had unnecessary ... and still the vaginismus remains.
It has also been suggested by some vaginismus ‘experts’ that the condition should be treated in the same way as a physical injury, such as a broken arm. Let me reassure you that your vagina is NOT broken. It’s not even poorly!
Because of this focus on the physical aspects of the symptom, the REAL psychological and emotional causes are often overlooked. But change your focus to correct these and that's the beginning of the end of vaginismus!
4. There are striking similarities between vaginismus and other physical responses
Vaginismus can feel like this big, mysterious, one-of-a-kind condition—but it’s actually pretty similar to other issues where the mind gets in the way of normal body functions.
Think: blushing, trouble sleeping, public toilet anxiety, swallowing pills, or stuttering. These are all things the body can do, but anxious thoughts put up a roadblock.
It’s the same with penetration. Your body knows how. It’s just been told (by fear or belief) that it’s not safe.
5. It's massively misunderstood
Ok, so you probably did know this!
Most of the general public have never heard of vaginismus. Because of a lack of information, sufferers may assume that it is not a recognised condition and so don't investigate it further. Indeed, many women only discover their symptom has a name after a google search.
This is vastly different to men’s sexual problems, such as premature ejaculation, which is a well-known symptom and information about it can be easily found. Spam emails are commonly sent from companies offering pills and gadgets to enable men to achieve firmer, longer-lasting erections. I’m yet to receive a promotion offering a solution for a more relaxed, wider vagina!
Vaginismus may go undiagnosed by doctors and sex therapists because of inadequate training and understanding of the condition.
There exists no official gynaecological system for diagnosing the condition.
My clients often tell me about unhelpful comments from their doctors such as advising them to ‘just relax’ about sex or recommending that she have a glass of wine! This is the equivalent of telling a depressed person to “cheer up, it may never happen”!
I hope this has cleared up a few unhelpful misconceptions about Vaginismus!
The Vaginismus-Free Programme is a targeted, structured programme that gets right to the heart of vaginismus. It's a complete psychological, emotional and physical solution to permanently resolving the condition.
In just a few weeks, you can feel powerful and back in control of how your body responds, making enjoyable penetration truly achievable.
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